Unlocking the Power of Self Advocacy
The Power of Effective Self Advocacy
I recently published a LinkedIn post on how effective self advocacy can make the difference in pay conversations. What's wild is that most professionals aren’t taught this transformative tool, but stumble across it through trial and error over several years of challenging conversations.
To help you overcome this hurdle, I’ve pulled together a three step summary that you can use to unlock the power of self advocacy and transform your conversations at work and home. With this article you’ll learn:
How to advocate for yourself at work
How to set boundaries professionally
How to negotiate confidently
Once you unlock self advocacy you’ll be able to master difficult conversations and better understand what you’ll compromise on without compromising yourself.
The first step in achieving self advocacy is self acceptance (see #bethedurian). I cannot tell you how many fantastically brilliant and impactful people I know who undermine themselves through critical self-judgement.
Let’s explore how you can discover self acceptance and in turn the ability to ask for what you need to succeed.
STEP 1 - Discovering Self Acceptance
A lucky few people will have developed self acceptance early on in life through their environment or natural temperament, likely not aware of their good fortune. But many of us will need to experience a moment or journey of self discovery to achieve this. It can take many forms, from mending familial ties to seeking out therapy or coaching, going travelling, completing a pilgrimage or taking on an epic project that makes or breaks us.
How you get there doesn’t matter - the point is, that you need to know that you are enough and like Oliver, you can ask for more.
One of the most effective ways to move from self judgement to self acceptance is to stop comparing yourself to others and instead start focusing on how you feel and what you can control.
There are some great books available that I can personally recommend which can help you work through this journey.
Here’s my top three:
The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) by Philippa Perry.
Best for: those that prefer a guide with behavioural psychology, anecdotal case studies and relatable storytelling.
The School of Life: An Emotional Education by Alain De Botton.
Best for: individuals who enjoy critical thinking and philosophical writing.
Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things by Adam Grant.
Best for: those looking for inspiration & direction on how to adopt a growth mindset.
If you prefer to talk it out, then coaching may be the right choice for you. If you’d like to work with me on your self acceptance journey, get in touch via lisa@beboldercoaching.co.uk
Once you’ve reached a state of self acceptance, you can start to take ownership of your journey - this brings us to the second step, learning to take ownership.
STEP 2 - Learning Self Ownership
Self ownership is fundamental to effective self advocacy. There was a moment in my career when I realised that just because I wanted something and had worked hard to get it, didn’t mean anyone had to give it to me.
The reality is, no one else owes you anything, you have to take ownership for your story.
At school we’re taught that if you complete the task well you’re rewarded with an A grade. This conditioning sets a lot of people up to fail - because the world just doesn’t work like that.
Once you accept this (and I appreciate many people realise this a lot sooner depending on relative privilege and hardships), you learn to think differently about your prospects and what is within your control and outside of it.
Let’s take the example of pushing for a promotion or pay rise, consider for a moment, why should this person (the decision maker) choose to put their neck out for you:
Are you making their life easier?
Do they enjoy working with you?
Are you producing results and impact?
Will anything change if they say no?
How will it benefit them?
Putting the shoe on the other foot can help you rethink your approach and reevaluate whether you are in as strong a position as you thought to make a case. It’s up to you to own it. Bringing us finally to step three and practising the art of reasoning.
STEP 3 - Using the Art of Reasoning
So what do I really mean when I talk about self advocacy? Here’s how I define it…
Being able to articulate your needs productively in a conversation without discomfort, in order to reach an agreement that better serves you.
You can do this by using structured reasoning and practising emotional constraint to have a considered discussion with clearly defined outcomes.
In this way, self advocacy can be used to set boundaries and negotiate confidently.
What does this look like in practice?
Prepare for your discussion ahead of time, by defining your objective, key arguments and ideal flow for the conversation.
Remain calm and keep it factual. Avoid making it personal, but where appropriate share personal context to make your case more relatable.
Play to your audience: know who you're talking to and what they value. Use this to shape your language and frame talking points to strengthen your case in their eyes.
Find common ground with your decision maker. What do you already agree on and how can you use this as a foundation to further your request.
Highlight the shared benefits of agreeing to new terms by drawing on existing examples of successes and what works well. What else could you achieve together?
Understand your non-negotiables and don’t commit to terms in the moment that you’ll regret later. Have a buffer line ready to give you headspace and time to consider.
Anticipate counter-arguments and have planned rebuttals to address these points. Acknowledge their point of view but explain how this doesn't change what you need.
In Summary
The trick is to approach these discussions as opportunities to strengthen your connection and improve shared understanding through measured conversation, reasoning and personal context.
Ultimately, the success of any self-advocacy conversation rests on your ability to frame your request as a shared benefit, a commitment that strengthens the partnership rather than challenges it.
When you can do that clearly and confidently, you stop negotiating from fear and start negotiating from power.
If you’d like to chat more about self advocacy and how to adopt this effectively drop me a line at lisa@beboldercoaching.co.uk
